The USDA: Looking Out for You

I was calculating my macronutrients for a diet the wife and I are doing (2-weeks of insanity; I'll post if we finish it), and I had a horrid bout of curiosity. As I built up a goodly deal of protein and fat, I wondered: WWUSS? (What Would Uncle Sam Say; a highly apropos acronym for the USDA, by the by.)

Greg Newbold's brilliant parody of a classic; all too fitting for American nutrition.

So, what ought a 5'9", 185 pound, active, 32 year old male be consuming on a daily basis? Here are my numbers, according to the USDA:
3210 calories
361-522g carbs
67g protein
71-125g fat

I'm speechless. "Retarded" really isn't a strong enough word.

Just for reference, let me walk you through a day with macros similar to those above:
I'll start off the day with a Super Sized Coke (not sure they even offer this, anymore; maybe I'll just have 2 Large Cokes).

Next, I'll down a bag of cheddar Kettle chips. Yes, the whole bag.

After I wake up from a 4 hour nap, I'll settle in with a nice dinner. Maybe, I don't know, 4 cups of spaghetti topped with a country fried steak.

Shut up and eat your carbs!

No gravy for me; I'm watching my weight!

Another 4-hour-insulin-coma later, and I'm awake again. Time for a little snack before bedtime. We'll go with one more Super Sized Coke and a King Size Snickers; because it really satisfies!

Grand total:
552g carbs
85g fat
67g protein

After falling into yet another coma, I get to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow! And they wonder why heart disease is on the rise, despite their best "education" efforts.

For those of you interested in a real take on how many carbs one ought to get in their day, take a gander at this blog:
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/the-primal-carbohydrate-continuum/

Now, go eat some bacon! (Don't worry; the delicious is worth the sodium bloat.)